Hi, my name`s Ludacris, and I`m high as giraffe pussy
And I`m close to the edge, so yo` parents can come push me
I curse so much just to get on they nerves
I got kids actin` a fool from the traps to the burbs
My filthy mouth, it won`t fight cavities or beat plaque
So I shot the tooth fairy and put my old teeth back
I take a s**t on the equator, the size of a crater
And make government officials breathe harder than Darth Vader

It`s the chicken and the beer that makes Luda keep rappin`
But no pork on my fork, I don`t even speak pig latin
I go fishin` on my lake, with yo` bitch as the bait
Plus I eat many MC`s, but I don`t gain no weight
The numba one chief rocka, clean out yo` rap lockers
I`m as stiff as a board, y`all more shook than maracas
But my trix ain`t for kids, if you dig`um you`ll get smacked
I`ll clock ya I`ll spring forward, you fall back

Every album that I drop has got more than ten bangers
That`s cause I`m a shot caller, y`all fools is Crank Yankers
Ain`t a damn thing changed but the ice on my chain
To get chicks from Portland, Oregon to Portland, Maine
Now I roll up torpedoes, get blunted with rastas
For a hefty fee, I`m on your record like Bob Costas
I own so many jerseys I`m a throwback mess
I hit the cleaners and tell `em I want a full court press

So momma toast your glass while I`m countin` my cash
`Cause every single is a smash, I`m hot as a camel`s ass
The competition never just wanna admit that they lost
And that they last about as long as my part in the wash
From yo` car to a crap game, no one rolls wit`chu
One of Mini Me`s shoes got more sole than you
So by the time you figure out why your record ain`t spinnin`
I`m in the strip club smokin`, with President Clinton

So stand clear of the long sideburns and goatee
They may the mold of the penis enlarger off me
I`ll be in another room when I hit from the back
Not to mention my refridgerator`s taller than Shaq
So yippie kay yay, yippie yie yie yo
If you can`t swim, don`t smoke my hydro
I`ve been lookin for a woman just to put my stamp on
But a lot of y`all are mo` stuck up than tampons

So wash all ya sins away and stop playin`
If God`s line is busy you might have to two way him
Then catch me in your backyard, playin` croquet
And when I`m drunk tell them kids, drugs are bad, mmm`kay?
Or watch me swing my chain at the Roscoe`s off Pico
Got seven cars, get all my rims at Chrome Depot
And people think I`m bad, they say "Oh he`s so Evil!"
`Cause I go on blind dates, with actual blind people

But my album`s out the store, yours be on the shelf
I heard you masturbate a lot, so y`all keep to yourself
`Cause these women want a man that stay up and stay strong
Like the NBA, you gotta play hard or go home
All that s**t that y`all talkin`, y`all can pop it to them
`Cause Ludacris`ll beat you down with a prosthetic limb
I put my foot so deep in yo` ass that you can smell it
And yo` breath will turn to Foot Locker water repellant

I`m the man, I got money far as the eyes can see
And I`m in a group, I split dough with me, me and me
So much money in my jewelry that I`m damn near sorry
So I`ma trade my earrings in, and get a Ferrari
I buy cars with straight cash, have meetings with Donald Trump
Y`all meet with Honda, no payments for 12 months
Take a look at yo` life, and no wonder you so sad
Y`all put up with more s**t than a colostomy bag, fool!